


Cognition

by ontaemin



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Frottage, M/M, One Shot, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 17:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10470078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ontaemin/pseuds/ontaemin
Summary: Nothing hurts forever.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends ~. I'm back with more ontae, per usual. Can't get enough of those two, really. I saw a picture of a crowded plaza with a fountain in the middle and a small scene popped into my head and from that came a story. Maybe a little bit messy but I'm okay with that. I'm just happy to be posting again. Messy writing is always better than no writing.
> 
> On another note, I got to see shinee live in toronto about a week ago! God, I don't even know what to say - still. They're just so wonderful and talented and gorgeous. If you would like to read my fanaccounts you can find them on my tumblr, oenw.tumblr.com under the tag 'fa', as well as more writing I may not post on here under the tag 'my writing'. 
> 
> Thanks for reading if you do, as always feedback is appreciated. I hope to be back with some more stuff soon, so stay tuned ^^.
> 
> p.s. if you're wondering Jinki and Taemin's ages are 23 and 20 respectively.

The world is so full. Jinki skips over the cracks in the cement, despite the crowds, despite judgement. A sense of childlike wonderment somehow still lingering in that mans eyes - forced, perhaps, as a coping mechanism for how unsavoury the adult in him found the world to actually be. But still real - tangible, wholesome. It's hard to believe he actually thinks life is as wonderful as he makes it seem, but Jinki's not one to lie easily. He throws a coin into the fountain, standing with his knees tucked in and his eyes squeezed shut, his cold fingers clasped under his chin as he prays on whatever wish seemed so important to him. Around the fountain stands a child doing the same, with the same lustre, the same zeal. Jinki was no more than that. Taemin wondered how he could be so fearless. 

After a moment the dreamers left eye slits open, to an inquisitive - though a bit patronizing in tone - question. "What are you wishing for, Jinki?"

Shutting his eyes again Jinki turns his attention back to the task at hand. "You know I can't tell you that." Taemin scoffs and rolls his eyes. 

With a shiver the younger boy abandons his curiosity, folding his arms across his chest as he huddles closer to the man he had previously been nearly mocking. "We should go." He says, his teeth chittering and mucking up the syllables. "Somewhere warm."

Of course Jinki doesn't take Taemin's shortness as a dig - he never does. He rolls his eyes a bit, tsks his tongue quietly, but a smile still plasters his round face, as always. Never upset but perhaps just a bit miffed. Jinki shakes his head of his poor excuse for a scowl, any residual negative feelings gone in the blink of an eye, perplexing Taemin per usual. "C'mon." Jinki sighs with a smile, linking their arms. "I'll take you home." He laughs, and off they go to head in the direction they came. 

Often times Taemin wonders if there's something wrong with Jinki, as horrible as that sounds. It wasn't that Taemin looked down on him but that he just didn't get it, and because of that something had to be wrong, somehow. A mental condition or a strange fungal infection - a mass in his brain that doesn't allow him to see negativity. Because it always seems too much. Jinki's visions and dreams nearly unrealistic to the point where it was almost concerning - but the man was so damn confident that he could achieve them - "One day." he'd smile. And after awhile, Taemin began to believe him. 

After hearing someone speak as if tragedy were impossible for so many years it's hard to say you're the one in the wrong. Especially when Taemin finds himself smiling even despite his very dark outlook on life. It was strange to smile knowing that the world had hurt him. Jinki seemed insane for loving it unconditionally, but, Taemin thinks as he looks at his situation as a whole, it always seemed that eventually, a smile would come back to him. Alone again with Jinki on his ratty blue sofa. His head in his elders lap and his heart beating out of his chest with just a look towards him - a smile following the nervousness confirmed his philosophy. At the end of the day, something would always make it better, no matter how rough things got. 

Because well, "Nothing hurts forever." 

With a lingering memory of Jinki's words guilt floods Taemin like a plague. A heavy blanket of water over his chest as he recounts the times he's scoffed and mocked someone he loved for acting nearly childish in his eyes. But it was nothing like Taemin - and perhaps all the other people that didn't understand Jinki - thought. No, Jinki wasn't ignorant and unrealistically optimistic. His head wasn't up in the clouds but rather his feet planted firmly on the ground, and his mind clear as day. It wasn't that he was stupid enough to think things couldn't turn sour, but rather he was smart enough to realize it didn't matter if they did. And all this time, Taemin had been the ignorant one. 

It was the best case of insanity if it were one. As much as Taemin was sure now that Jinki had the answers to life's endless questions it still seemed horribly confusing. Because even if he was the most intelligent for thinking the way he did, Taemin had no idea how he learned to become that person. Thinking of it seems harder than anything, to see the good in everyone and everything the way Jinki did. It takes courage and perseverance and it also takes repeated shots to the ego. But perhaps your ego doesn't need to recover when you're humble by nature, Taemin thinks. 

Taemin stares at the shapes in Jinki's living room ceiling as he thinks up these things, his hair still damp from the rain and skin cold along with it, but a warm halo of Jinki's presence surrounds him still. A long but comfortable silence drop between the two, no words spoken and no words needn't to be as the relentless rain patters against the glass of the balcony doors, the unintelligible sound news anchors reading their teleprompter on the ignored television. Taemin ponders for longer, peering up at the sky of stucco, pictures and words all jumping out and disappearing as soon as the boy notices them. It's as if he finally gets it. Changing his focus from the bumpy white to the smooth of Jinki's stoic face Taemin realizes he's been much too harsh on someone he loved as much as him. That all this time he had just never wanted to accept the fact that he was right. "There's no use in being upset over something that you have no control over." Jinki's words often ring hallow in the younger boys head. Uncomprehendable, almost laughable. But not anymore. Not with Jinki's focused brow softening as his eyes crawl from his novel, over his glasses to Taemin's quizzical face. 

Kindness pours out of that mans soul like the water from fountain he spent so many countless wishes on. Taemin hopes to god that those wishes had come true - Jinki deserves it, he realizes now. It must be hard, carrying that weight. Smiling away and loving unconditionally even when the world would often times bite back. Jinki definitely deserved something in return, if one wish come true was that, Taemin would be at least a little satisfied. 

With a blink of his eyes Taemin is brought back to reality, sudden a warm palm rests upon the youngers cheek, loving and benevolent as he always was with the world and especially with Taemin. He wordlessly asks what's on the boys mind, as if he knew just from his face that something was up. And Taemin feels horrible for ever thinking this man was anything but all knowing. 

And it always funnels down to that: the fact that that's him. Jinki, a smiler, a dreamer, a positive force in the world and in Taemin's life. He slides his glasses off his nose and rests them upon the armrest of the sofa as Taemin stays silent, questions lingering in his mind, unable to be formulated just yet. But Jinki's willing to listen - he always was. Jinki was willing for what ever Taemin needed. His bright world doing its best to shine on the where the younger boys was dark and dreary and often painful, even if he never let on - Jinki understood nonetheless. He tells Jinki all of his secrets and dreams, sure, but it feels useless to drop his weight on the older mans shoulders when he knew he was already doing his best to carry so much more. Taemin's heart lurches a bit when he's brought back down to reality for the umpteenth time, knowing full and well that Jinki could - and would love to - carry anything Taemin would give him without hesitation. Taemin wondered what he had done to deserve a love like that. 

Jinki's eyes blink - dissecting but soft, and Taemin wonders if he's known all this time - if words were useless in a world where Jinki could just sense everything. Because Taemin's heart aches, bruised and black as Jinki's brow now furrows again, not reading a book but rather a loved one, clearly seeing in Taemin's face that something hurtful was going on behind the black of his irises. "What's wrong, darling?" Such soft words prying in the kindest way possible. Jinki knew that often times getting information from Taemin was a bit like pulling teeth, but it had to be done - especially if the tooth was as rotten as a lot of the things that plagued the younger boy. 

"How do you do it?" Taemin finally peeps, nervous under his gaze despite how soft and loving it always was, even when it was horribly confused as it was now. "How are you always so happy?"

And with all seriousness Jinki looks at Taemin as if the question was absurd. Horrible, nearly laughable. He shakes his head with a smile, a snort in the face of something that seemed nearly ridiculous to have to answer. And so sincerely Jinki answers in a warm voice, a call of an angel. "Who could be sad with you in their life?" 

Taemin was foolish for ever believing what Jinki said was purple prose and needlessly poetic. It's not the words that cut at Taemin's heart - any old person could have said what Jinki said and Taemin's sure he would never be as torn up about them as he would hearing them come from the mouth of the one he trusted more than himself. It was the delivery - no, it was Jinki - Taemin's heart bled for him and the sincerity that dripped from every verse he spoke to someone he adored. The furrowed brow and the stroke of his thumb across Taemin's cheekbone proves Jinki's truth. If sincerity came pure - liquid, 100% organic - Jinki's heart poured it out in litres. A legitimate sense of confusion on his face as if Taemin always knew how he felt. As if they hadn't been beating around this bush for ages. 

When Taemin sits up Jinki's eyes are wide, because as much as he can sense, some things nobody can predict - not even the one who perpetrates them. It doesn't register in his mind what he does as a response to Jinki's loving words. He knows there's nothing to say to that - what could he say? Jinki takes the words from his mouth the second anything even moderately sensible crosses his mind, so verbal communication of his feelings is off the table. But before Taemin can weigh the options of how to thank Jinki - how to tell him those few words mean more than the world to him - his body reacts faster. 

It's only when Taemin hears the thud of Jinki's novel falling from his hands and to the hardwood floor that it clicks. That he's reacting. And Jinki's hands are in his hair. No - his neck, his waist - the travel, unsatisfied and frustrated everywhere they land. Pulling and pushing and awkwardly clanging his teeth against Taemin's as if he can't get what he needs fast enough. They're kissing - and not only that, but Taemin realizes he's wanted this for awhile. And that Jinki - all hot breath and greedy hands and jumbled poetry against his tongue - Jinki most certainly wants this too. Taemin comes back down to earth and evaluates as Jinki's neediness blooms in full. Suddenly he's no longer composed and wise but nervous and shaking, his cheeks flushed and his breath uneven and hot inside Taemin's mouth. As much as Jinki knew without speaking he still had a hint of humanity to him. Just like everyone else. Scared of rejection. Scared of losing something he loved and kept secret for all this time. Overexcited and anxious when finally getting what he's wanted all along. Taemin feels bad for ever depriving him. 

With a push of his palms against Taemin's hips Jinki lands with his knees on either side of him. Not forceful at all but ready - willing, needy and nearly desperate. Hoping to get what he's always wanted. Taemin lets a sigh into his elders mouth. Loosens his jaw and lets him explode with his tongue against his palate and his hands under his shirt. Jinki's mouth tastes the way rain smells, clean and refreshing but still so natural, his breath a linger of that horrible instant coffee he always drank and his skin and hair a somehow heavenly scent of the cheap hair and body wash he used. Every sensation was Jinki - and every sensation was exhilarating. And Jinki's tongue feels warm and wet and reassuring to Taemin, who now trebles with the realization of what they're doing - of how nervous Jinki seemed to be also. How lucky they are to have finally made it here. 

Without much verbal communication the situation finds its way through the bases, Jinki's hips no longer hovering as he hunched over to kiss the younger boy but flush with Taemin's - rutting, relentless. Taemin can't say he's far behind, not much control in his position but it's not as if he minds. Jinki's tongue feels hot and wet against Taemin's neck, his entire body thrumming and cheeks flushed with a bit of embarrassment to have their first encounter completely clothed, not an ounce of romance to it. But with a kiss Taemin reassures him it's okay - they don't need that. As poetic as the older man's romantic soul was he didn't need much but just that - his words and his actions. Taemin's heart flutters a bit too much at the idea of actual romance - something he knew Jinki would give him in the future, because he adored that stuff - but he knows it's not necessary. And somewhere Jinki knows it too. Because it's hard to compare much material or cliche action to the feeling of being brought together like this. Being with him - purely, just him - was the most romantic gesture Taemin could think of. 

When it ends it halts. Still can ounce of embarrassment as Jinki makes it on top of him, his body frozen and shaking as he pants into Taemin's pulse - elevated with the same process. Together - as one, Taemin convulses with Jinki. Flushes his previously cold, now sweaty and expectant body to Jinki's as their hips roll in unison one last time, a growl of each other's name as both sets of hands cling on for dear life, and they shudder together. As if they were one person, one soul, shaking and grasping together, their heartbeats a matching symphony and their bodies a phenomenon in tandem - all moving until they're out the other side, holding each other too close but not ever daring to pull away. Taemin kisses him once more - a bit more gentle, perhaps how he should have intended the first - and Jinki's lips curl into a small smile, soon infecting the boy beneath him as a deep kiss turns into a mess of teeth and stifled laughter. And Taemin thinks he's adopted a bit of Jinki's philosophy now, because he can't see his life ever looking as bleak as it use to with someone this perfect by his side. 

There was so much about Jinki that Taemin would never get. So much he could never understand, despite wanting to more than anything. Taemin thinks back to all the times he was critical of the man he loved. Trying to understand why his younger self couldn't just let Jinki's wisdom in, but thinking on the matter Taemin ponders that maybe he didn't have the capacity to understand. And maybe he never would. So Taemin makes amends. He presses back into Jinki's palm - now in a shared bed and a shared apartment, mutual feelings quite similar - and closes his eyes to the thought of ever hurting his love with his skepticism. Now coming to peace with it, willing to learn and grow with Jinki to understand him to the best of his abilities. That was all he could do, after all. 

Taemin wasn't sure if fate existed. It seemed silly to him to think he was destine to meet someone, to love someone. But it's hard to say he's confident it's a false concept. It's hard to really believe we're just souls floating around, not made for anybody or for anyone, but just existing - it's hard when Jinki says those things only Taemin's heart knew he wanted to hear. When Jinki lays with Taemin on days where it's bad - where his world is more hurricane prone than overcast - and he whispers those thoughts against his skin. His famous little poems and sonnets written on a whim with only one person in the intended audience. Jinki pressed revelations and psalms and prayers against his body and holds him tight as Taemin keeps it down. Keeps himself away from those thoughts and close to Jinki instead. No one person could fix a mindset like Taemin's, but he can't say it didn't help a bit that he was so willing to. 

Jinki skips his fingers over Taemin's spine. Cars bustling outside their bedroom window and the sound of the neighbours laughing and talking in the hallway, loud, as if nobody was still sleeping at 8:00am on a Wednesday morning. But it no longer hurts. Taemin's no longer irritable to the sound of happiness and no longer easily peeved by even the slightest noise, because he has the best distraction. Because Jinki places a warm kiss between his shoulder blades and complains about his early morning classes. Because Taemin has the courage to wish he could stay - the courage to have hope that he will. And Jinki's a broke student - his student loans give him migraines and his budget hardly squeezes in entertainment past an occasional pay per view movie but Taemin begs god for him to skip his classes once more. "Okay." Jinki says to himself, making a decision final. Taemin wonders what it is as he stands still, unmoving as if that decision hadn't already been made. With one more glance to Jinki - wet eyes and pouty lips - the elder sighs, and Taemin grins, knowing how much of a sucker he really was for him. Hopping back onto that sqeaky mattress with a shrug and a smile as he curls up beside a grinning Taemin. "Who needs a degree anyways?" 

The world is so full, but Taemin's heart is too. 

\- END -


End file.
